What Went Wrong?

When trying to figure out where I went wrong in my failed attempt at a romance this past week, a commission was established to locate the precise reasons why failure was imminent. The result: a comprehensive list of my shortcomings as a human being. Here they are in no particular order:

- I have bad posture
- my eyebrows need tweezing
- my head is disproportionately large when compared to the rest of my body
- under 6 feet tall (with no immediate plans of changing this)
- hang out with too many girls (hence I look like a "queer")
- too awkward
- inability to maintain eye contact throughout the course of a conversation
- I act like I have huge muscles, but I'm actually "puny and pathetic"
- I have "less than stellar" grooming habits
- I'm way too nice, give people too much credit
- I'm not as well liked as I think, I'm often the subject of ridicule behind my back
- I follow meaningless sporting events, and take them too seriously
- my current haircut makes me look like a "migrant mexican worker"
- everything out of mouth is either A. sarcasm B. an old movie line or C. something derogatory

Now I first must clear up a few things. First of all, this list was compiled by everyone BUT me, I had very little say in any of it. With that being said, its difficult for me to refute any of it. Also, if you don't know me, you'd think that me posting such a list is a sure exhibition of my lack of confidence. Nothing could be further from the truth! I'm no Vin Diesel, but I'm fairly confident in myself. My self-deprecating sense of humor often gets misinterpreted as a lack of confidence.

Also, it was ultimately determined by "the commission" (and by "the commission", I mean the assholes I work with) that I do have the potential to go from the 2.8 I received after posting my picture on www.hotornot.com, to at least a 5 or 6. One of my coworkers even found a picture of a guy that I could look like, if I improved any if not all of the above.

Now I'm not saying that I look like this guy, but when this picture was on my computer, my friend Tana came up behind me and asked, "is that your brother?" Also, if you think I'm growing a soul patch, you can go fuck yourself.

It was decided that, in order to find out my true potential, we must post this anonymous picture on hot-or-not, and find out what score he gets.

Also, because I just had to question the validity of my shortcomings, I actually called the girl I went out with last week, and read the list for her. I asked her to give me an honest yes or no each time I read off the list. She pretty much laughed the whole time, and said yes only to the eye contact one. I think she was just being nice, but in all reality, she's only known me for a week. What does she know?

...and of course, right after I got off the phone with her, I ran into Steve's room to tell him all about it. Proving again, that I am more than willing to suspend all logic and tact if it means getting a laugh out of someone. But is that really a shortcoming?? I'd like to think not...